tearing myself inside out and outside in
Whenever I am afraid, I run. And I keep running until there is nothing left to feel. I am a coward.
Hello.
Today I burnt myself because I fell too deep into the comfortable universe of being in love, and loved. I am a hopeless romantic, but please don't take advantage of this hunger for affection. Frankly speaking, I always thought I was a veteran in this department. Nothing makes sense now. But is love supposed to make sense in the first place?
Is it the physical proximity? The softest, most tender kisses one can recieve? Or the delight in simply knowing the other person 'gets' you? What is it? I usually don't ask questions 'cause of my big ego but I'm emotionally lost in this moment.
When one party breaks a promise, made earlier with so much sincerity, the only things left to feel are stupidity, betrayal and distrust. I feel like an idiot believing in him and I guess it's true that humans will always disappoint you in the end. I don't want to live half in the day time and half at night. Never in my life have I experienced this intense hurt somewhere beneath my ribcage and I don't think anyone should ever be made to feel this pain. What's the use of it anyway? It doesn't pay the bills nor feed starving Haitians.
I am disgusted with the smell of cigarettes and lies.
It reminds me of a dozen things I detest the greatest in my life.
The scariest thing in the world is placing your heart in the hands of someone who is reckless with it. Is this why people relish being a player because you always have fun and you don't get hurt? After all there are a million songs celebrating this lifestyle.
Should we just keep believing in someone because it's hard to find good love?
Or should we avoid everything in general which upsets us?
I don't even have the energy to breathe right now.
Probably I am being overly melodramatic but hey, everyone's allowed some downtime.
I completely changed my lifestyle to be an honest being with no intention of capturing someone in an intense relationship just to let them crash hard unto the ground for my sick amusement. Because I have found a new pleasure in enjoying real love and real, solid human communication and interaction. I hardly play mind games anymore. They bring me little pleasure.
I am turning 18 soon and I'm finding myself slowly but surely as an individual and I think I know what I really want in this life. I know who I am and what's important to me. I am fully capable of love and I don't see any reason not to be loved. I am ready. Perhaps this is simply a pathetic retribution for my previous hard-and-fast lifestyle. Surely we're allowed some time to just live? If this is an April Fool's joke, it's one of the worst.
Whenever I am afraid, I run. And I keep running until there is nothing left to feel. I am a coward.
Hello.
Today I burnt myself because I fell too deep into the comfortable universe of being in love, and loved. I am a hopeless romantic, but please don't take advantage of this hunger for affection. Frankly speaking, I always thought I was a veteran in this department. Nothing makes sense now. But is love supposed to make sense in the first place?
Is it the physical proximity? The softest, most tender kisses one can recieve? Or the delight in simply knowing the other person 'gets' you? What is it? I usually don't ask questions 'cause of my big ego but I'm emotionally lost in this moment.
When one party breaks a promise, made earlier with so much sincerity, the only things left to feel are stupidity, betrayal and distrust. I feel like an idiot believing in him and I guess it's true that humans will always disappoint you in the end. I don't want to live half in the day time and half at night. Never in my life have I experienced this intense hurt somewhere beneath my ribcage and I don't think anyone should ever be made to feel this pain. What's the use of it anyway? It doesn't pay the bills nor feed starving Haitians.
I am disgusted with the smell of cigarettes and lies.
It reminds me of a dozen things I detest the greatest in my life.
The scariest thing in the world is placing your heart in the hands of someone who is reckless with it. Is this why people relish being a player because you always have fun and you don't get hurt? After all there are a million songs celebrating this lifestyle.
Should we just keep believing in someone because it's hard to find good love?
Or should we avoid everything in general which upsets us?
I don't even have the energy to breathe right now.
Probably I am being overly melodramatic but hey, everyone's allowed some downtime.
I completely changed my lifestyle to be an honest being with no intention of capturing someone in an intense relationship just to let them crash hard unto the ground for my sick amusement. Because I have found a new pleasure in enjoying real love and real, solid human communication and interaction. I hardly play mind games anymore. They bring me little pleasure.
I am turning 18 soon and I'm finding myself slowly but surely as an individual and I think I know what I really want in this life. I know who I am and what's important to me. I am fully capable of love and I don't see any reason not to be loved. I am ready. Perhaps this is simply a pathetic retribution for my previous hard-and-fast lifestyle. Surely we're allowed some time to just live? If this is an April Fool's joke, it's one of the worst.